Sunday, January 13, 2013

Nation brought to standstill by freak frozen water "invasion".

A man attempts to clear some of frozen water away from his Car.
Look, it's covered with it.
Vast regions across the entirety of the United Kingdom were placed in a high state of emergency this morning as roads, driveways and pavements alike were coated with several inches of an shimmering icy cold white wet substance.

It's become the single most popular trending topic on networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, with thousands of individuals reporting individual cases in their area and, in some cases, posting photographs of the phenomenon - or "Snow" as it has come to be known. Even the BBC website is requesting that users send in pictures of their encounters, with some inventive individuals even manage to fashion humanoid shapes through condensing the "snow" into a more solid form.

The abundance of this frozen matter has created havoc across the country with the traffic network coming to a complete standstill, with schools and offices alike forced to remain closed due to employees unable to gain access. Embarrassed councils have admitted that they were completely unprepared for what has occurred, what with it being fucking winter and everything.

And some more "snow".
"We are still in the process of completing our studies", announced Doctor Mark Mardon, a senior researcher for the British Meteorological office, "but we believe the substance to be a type of precipitation in the form of granular flakes of crystalline water ice that have fallen from the clouds. It's a phenomenon that we believe has resulted from a combination of the recent cold weather conditions and an overabundance of water vapour being available from the warm air mass that rising air originates from, causing clouds to form. Said cloud water (or cloud ice) is collected by falling ice particles which grow as the super cooled cloud water freezes onto them."

"Of course our research will continue - and we don't believe it poses any actual threat - but for the time being we appreciate why the general public are so fascinated by this enchanting new frozen watery visitor. I mean, it's not like it happens every year, right?"

1 comment:

  1. I have seen none of this white falling cloud ice of which you write. I think you're making it all up, and your pictures are *obviously* faked by putting Tippex on a real photo.


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