Tuesday, January 08, 2013

"All that we knew is wrong", admits mankind. And now, the weather.

An artists impression of what might happen. Or what might not happen.

In a major paradigm shift of terrifying proportions, the human race was today forced to reevaluate everything that it previously considered to be real.

"I've today been forced to reevaluate everything that I'd previously considered to be real", said a bystander who wished to remain anonymous, "and I honestly don't know what to think anymore. Is up still up? What is 'up' anyway, other than an outmoded concept of direction? I'm quite frankly in shock. The foundations of my reality have been shaken to the fucking core, I can tell you."

Philosophers and Theologians alike have been attempting to explain the phenomenon, but each to varying degrees of success. Professor Stephen Hawking was unavailable for comment*, and the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science only responded in the form of a press release issued to news outlets around the World calmly stating that they "didn't know what the fuck was going on, but there might actually be some justification for that whole believing in God thing. It couldn't hurt, right? I mean, what's the worst that can happen? We're all completely in the dark here so quite frankly your guess is as good as ours."

Scientists at the Helsinki Institute for Big Important Things held a press conference today to discuss the unfolding events.

"We should have detected that something was amiss a week or so before Christmas, but we were all too carried away with the holiday season to really pick up on it. The signs were all there, but they were all disparate - seemingly unconnected. Reports of Wolves living with lambs, leopards lying down with goats - admittedly in hindsight they all seem odd now, but at the time they were all explained away. And then the big one which none of us should have missed - Piers Morgan made a big speech about the gun laws in America and suddenly there were a lot of people agreeing with what he'd said. We should have read the signs."

"And this was just the harbinger of the end times - on his CNN show yesterday he interviewed Right-wing Radio Star and Gun nut Alex Jones and over the course of the "interview" Piers Morgan came across as a rational and normal human being in comparison."

"Now, you'll have to excuse us. We're off to an underground bunker to monitor what happens next. We're no experts at interpreting the bible, but we're not taking any chances."

* - By which we received an automated message from his answering service. But now you come to mention it, that actually could have been him. Why, the sneaky-

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love comments. Love 'em. However, abusive or spam or Anonymous ones may well be sent straight to the bin. Thems the rules.