Saturday, March 30, 2013

Adventurebots.. assemble!

AdventureBots™ Assemble – Part The First

Brief burst of heroic fanfare music.

Sounds of general conversation for a few seconds between a dozen or so individuals all with different robotic tinny voices – some female but mostly male – all of different pitches – all with an echo as though we’re in some kind of cave.

A lone authoritative voice pierces the hubbub.

Lorrybot Prime: “Attention, AdventureBots!”

The conversation continues, so the authoritative voice sounds again, albeit louder.


(The background conversation ceases)

Lorrybot Prime: “Thank you, comrades. I’d like to thank you all for being here today for this, the eighth annual general meeting of the AdventureBot Justice Conglomerate.”

“As you know, we’ve all had a busy year attacking and on occasion defending ourselves from The Evil Sinisterdroid Union. On behalf of the Adventurebot Justice Conglomerate, I, your chosen leader,
Lorrybot Prime, would like to point out that your valiant efforts are all very much appreciated. But, we have a lot to talk about over the next few hours so without further ado, let’s get this annual General Meeting underway.”

“Item 1 on the Agenda; The continued upkeep of our Garrison on the Kraken Peninsula. We’ve had a lot of very positive feedback about this and..” 

(voice fades into distance to silence)

(voice fades back in from silence, indicating passage of time)

“..and it is of course critical that all frequent flyer miles claimed through expenses are recorded in the book. Which I believe, fellow AdventureBots, draws our eighth annual general meeting to a close. So, on behalf of my loyal droids, I’d like to..”

MegaNexus Eight: “Lord Lorrybot Prime, I apologise for the interruption but I believe there is one item on the agenda that we have yet to discuss.”

Lorrybot Prime: “Really?” (sound of paperwork being shuffled and then mumbling) “The Kraken Peninsula Garrison, Ammunition stocks, no smoking in company vehicles, Turtlewax suppliers, the continued war effort, Fluffy Dice, more about the continued war effort, Frequent Flyer miles… No, I can’t see it.”

MegaNexus Eight: “I believe one of our fellow AdventureBots has something he wishes to say. Step forward, UltraLux.”

(Ultralux can be heard in the background making his way through the crowd – “Excuse me, mind your backs, excuse me.. excuse me..”)

Lorrybot Prime: “UltraLux – I don’t believe we’ve met. What do you have to say at this, the eighth annual general meeting of the AdventureBot Justice Conglomerate?”

UltraLux:       “Lord Lorrybot Prime. For too long have I been forced to stand on the side-lines whilst my noble brother AdventureBots have fought and died in valiant combat. I ask for nothing more than to have the privilege of fighting alongside them – to take my true place in the pantheon of AdventureBots”.

Lorrybot Prime: “Your intentions are noble, brother AdventureBot, and I am surprised you have not been granted this privilege earlier. What skills do you bring to the table, warrior? Would you best serve our scouts as a fast and agile motor vehicle? Or our infantry as an impenetrable armoured car? Or, better yet, our front line as a powerful jet, screaming over our enemies as they tremble in terror? What, UltraLux, do you bring?”

UltraLux:       “I can transform into a 1950s antique anglepoise lamp, complete with a chrome two step base and aluminium arms.”

Lorrybot Prime: “Ah, an.. Oh, I see. With a searing beam of light capable of cutting our enemies like butter?”

UltraLux:       “No, just a standard 11 watt bulb. And, to be fair, it takes me a bit of time to warm up, because it’s an energy saver. We’ve got to consider the environment.”

Lorrybot Prime: “Not to fear, we may well yet have use for you. Our network spies work in the dark places where droids typically fear to go – By providing a light source you could..”

UltraLux:       “Hate to interrupt you, Lord Lorrybot Prime, but – no legs I’m afraid. Watch.”

(Transforming sound)

(awkward silence)

Lorrybot Prime: “Riiiiight. No legs.”

UltraLux:       (Reverse Transforming sound)
                “Or voice.”

Lorrybot Prime: “No legs. Or voice. You are, as you clearly stated, just an everyday 1950s antique anglepoise lamp”

UltraLux:       “with chrome two step base and aluminium arms.”

Lorrybot Prime: “Yeeeees.”

UltraLux:       “Shall I just, you know, leave?”

Lorrybot Prime: “I think that might be best”

Brief burst of heroic fanfare music.

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