Monday, December 24, 2012

Santa's Naughty/Nice list now subject to Freedom of Information Act

"Be good, for goodness sake. If not for the sake of your knee-caps"
After months of controversial debate, Lord Justice Leveson announced this morning that the controversial Naughty/Nice list (which has up until this date been the sole responsibility of Father Christmas) does not stand up to peer review and must be made available to the public under the Freedom of Information Act established in 2000. Leveson also confirmed to reporters that these details had been checked twice.

Tom Watson, labour MP for West Bromwich East, was one of the key spokespeople and assessors at the Inquiry and summed up the conclusions of the Inquiry in a Press Conference held at the Royal Courts of Justice.

"Now is not the time for pouting or crying, and if you'll bear with me I'll explain the reasoning behind this. We're all complicit in the fact that we have allowed Father Christmas to carry out his duties unhindered since the Seventeenth Century, with a web of subterfuge and fear making him seemingly beyond question and reproach. As we've found in the last few months of the Inquiry, Elves carrying out phone-hacking was merely the tip of the iceberg as witnesses and ex-employees alike - to which Frosty the Snowman and the Grinch have the thanks of the Inquiry - have come forward to reveal the true sinister nature of the Christmas operation, and the terrifying and threatening aspect to what we innocently suspected was the most wonderful time of the year."

"He knew when we were sleeping", continued Watson, "He knew when we were awake. Worryingly, he even knew when we'd been bad or good. And until now, none of us had ever questioned how or why. But, thanks to the findings of the Inquiry Father Christmas now has a legal requirements to provide the Royal Courts of Justice with both the Naughty and Nice list and the criteria used to determine which list an individual belongs to - and he must present us with these documents within the next 48 hours."

This news will of course come as a great shock to the Christmas Estate, fresh on the heels of the recent  news that ATOS are threatening to withdraw the benefits of the Claus estate after determining him fit to work despite only working one day a year and providing no proof of actively seeking employment elsewhere.

Speculation that Father Christmas was questioned as part of Operation Yewtree are, at the time of going to press, unconfirmed.

..and that's it for the blog for 2012. Hope you all have a fantastic Christmas and a wonderful 2013.. and thanks for reading!

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