Friday, October 19, 2012

Nick Griffin hates everything that isn't Nick Griffin

Nick Griffin MEP
Loveable Roly-poly Cyclopean racist Nick Griffin, fresh from offending approximately every catholic with a recent tweet using the carefully chosen word 'Fenian', has again hit the headlines by tweeting the address of the gay couple who recently won a landmark ruling after being turned away from a guest house and urging a British Justice team* to demonstrate outside their house.

In a frank interview this morning Griffin finally admitted to hating everything that isn't Nick Griffin. "Many years ago I sat down and wrote a list of all the things I hated and it only took up a single sheet of A4. Since then, years of self-loathing and bitter resentment have took said list to a stage where it had to be computerised, stored on three large database servers (nicknamed "Enoch", "Adolf" and "Breivik") and and carefully administered 24/7 by a crack team of BNP programmers."

Griffins original list
"With my admission of yesterday that I hate homosexuals as well, my team proudly informed me that I now despise every single thing on the planet that isn't me. And to think, there are a lot of closed minded people out there who think I only hate the blacks."

"I mean - lets have a look randomly through some of the things I hate from this alphabetized list - Captain Planet,  Dougal, House bricks, Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, Pikachu, Rolf Harris, The teleporter bracelets from Blakes 7 and WKD Blue. These are not the thought processes of a normal person."

"My tweets yesterday were so bile-filled they verged on being slightly ridiculous. I even mentioned heterophobia which, quite frankly, is something that nobody on the planet has ever been a victim of. Ever. I'm in danger of becoming a parody of myself which I'd better keep a check on. I'll hate myself if that happens - and that would be terrible, although - come to think of it - would satisfy my need for completion."

"Oh, and I hate this chair. But I assume you took that for granted."
"Fucking chair."

* British Justice is unfortunately unlikely to be the name of an awesome UK based team of Super heroes.

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