Sunday, November 13, 2011

A timely pre-emptive strike

As a public service, I'm going to carry out the selfless act of saving you posting pointless threads on your Facebook pages, based on various things I've seen floating around like an unflushed turd. With all the time you save thanks to reading these simple instructions, you could go out and do something decent with your time like serving soup for the homeless, joining the Samaritans, boiling some chicken bones down into stock or simply walking your sad faced under-walked dog.

No supermarkets birthdays are approaching, and they aren't giving away any vouchers. And even if they do (which is very unlikely), I imagine they'll do it through their own website and not through a Facebook page that has the supermarket name hidden in somewhere which is probably spelled incorrectly. And said Supermarket certainly won't ask you to fill out a questionnaire for a completely different company before promising you said vouchers which will never, NEVER arrive. You may as well click on a link reading 'The secret to eternal life is here! Click here and fill in a questionnaire for NPower for the answer to immortality!'. And knowing the majority of you, you'd happily do that too. I've told you about this before - add Sophos as a friend on Facebook if you're the kind of gullible goon that clicks any one nonsense in the vain hope of "free stuff".

Yes, Amelia Lily is back in the X Factor. And more to the point, this was announced on their website a fair amount of time before the polls closed. And no, this shouldn't come as a great shock to you telephone voters - after all, you have spent several years now paying for the publicity and marketing for a band that you end up buying the singles for. X Factor is and always has been a great big con. As you were.

"Ow, you've caught my skin!"
And finally, the most important one. And I'll have to sadly engage my politics head for this one. Yes, the EDL were arrested on Friday (11/11/11) without having committed a crime. However, fair play to the police on this one because they were arrested under the prevention of Terrorism act. And why? Because Theresa May spoiled all of their fun on Thursday by proscribing MAC (Muslims against Crusades) thus giving the EDL nobody to fight in the playground with when they'd already booked their coaches to the Cenotaph. To this end, the admin on the EDL page made the absolutely genius Moriarty-esque move of threatening the Occupy London lot on Thursday. Just after threats had been made stating that some of the EDL had guns. So sadly a pissed up drunken rabble spoiling for a fight didn't get the chance to do so - they were simply frogmarched onto coaches and arrested. Sad that a group that claims to speak for our fallen soldiers saw fit to demean the day in such a way. 

The EDL pages are full of links to claim against the police for their so-called brutality. To this end if you're able to translate bollocks into English, they may well need you as an employee. In all honesty, much like when the EDL claimed whiplash for 78 people in a coach accident which only held 25 of them, the police will now be inundated with several thousand poorly written claims of police brutality from a pub of several hundred. Two tier system, etc.

There, three threads you need never post about. No, it's okay. No need to thank me.

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