Monday, November 12, 2012

BBC are evil - "We can smell our own", Sun says.

Satellite images from this morning have revealed the terrifying truth - that the Thomas More Square based offices of the Sun Newspaper and Number 10 Downing Street are both on the verge of imploding in paroxysms of hypocritical delight and overwhelming smugness. This is associated with recent news that the British Broadcasting Corporation has been accused and found guilty of allowing Jimmy Savile to run naked and rampant throughout the organisation for more than 600 years, of causing the 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic, Hurricane Katrina, the death of Clive Dunn, being single-handedly responsible for 9/11 and of commissioning TittyBangBang.

A Sun Spokesman, however, vehemently denied the link in a telephone interview this morning.

"Of course we're not grinning like Cheshire cats whilst gawping at the death throes of the fine organisation that is the BBC", he said, "but you have to admit they've brought this on themselves."

“What appeared to have happened”, the Sun Spokesman continued, “is that George Entwhistle claimed to have not known that Newsnight was planning a report linking a senior Tory Politician to a child sex abuse scandal. In this day and age it’s quite frankly incredible to believe that, as the head of a company, you’re not completely aware of what is going on at every single level of your organisation - unless of course you are Rupert or James Murdoch in which case it’s completely understandable. They’re very busy gentlemen.”

He continued, “The BBC deserves the full weight of the law to bear down upon them. You can’t go around making accusations about individuals unless you have absolute proof that they’re guilty of said crimes. Which of course doesn’t apply to us in the case of Landlord Christopher Jeffries where we wrongly accused him of the murder of Joanne Yeates – because he looked funny and bit weird, frankly. And smelt ever so slightly of chip fat – Oh come on, he had to be guilty of something. He's a bit of a weirdo, just like that Steve Messham chap - you know, the victim of child abuse from that North Wales Care Home. And David Mellor agrees with me, so I must be right."

"And if you could just forget all that guff that we posted about Hillsborough all that time back, that'd be ace. Oh, and that Leveson Enquiry.", the spokesman concluded. "but you'll be glad to know that we'll be staggering all the news we've collated about Saviles child abuse over the next three years of headlines - we have a cracker of a story about Gordon the Gopher and Edd the Ducks sinister involvement scheduled for some time next August - so you'll have little time to think about anything else."

When it was put to the spokesman what help they'd be giving the innocents affected by the case whilst the Sun headlines were busy glorifying the abhorrent acts carried out in graphic and brutal detail, the answer came instantly.

"What have they got to do with it?"

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