Current Vacancy: One Hero. Must not be a twat. Apply within. Previous Applicants and Heroes need not apply.

Last year, I lost a hero of mine. He’d been a hero since I was about seven or eight, although I’d been a fan of his since I was four. Am I sad about it? Well, yes and no. Yes, because I think he was one of the finest lyricists of his generation; there’ll never be another quite like him. No, because at the ripe old age of 32, I finally gave up on Morrissey, seeing him for what he is, an outspoken controversial vegetarian propagandist bellend.

Yes, that’s right. I hereby denounce Stephen Patrick Morrissey (as wanky fans and hero worshippers across the globe constantly refer to him as) as a hero of mine. I’d come close a few years back when he appeared on the Jonathan Ross show and was an utter fucking prick, but I let him off, brushing his arrogance and pomposity as ‘it’s just Morrissey, this is what he’s about, this is him’.

For years, I tried seeing reason in some of his controversial statements, I denied he was racist (because I didn’t want to think that a hero of mine could be racist) and defended him in various arguments about Morrissey and the Smiths that I’d had with people (well, mainly David whose feelings on the bequiffed knobber have been previously documented). But his statement during the aftermath of the Norway murders carried out by right wing lunatic Anders Breivik was completely unforgivable.

I am all for free speech. Sometimes, if you give someone enough rope and they can hang themselves. So to compare human life to the lives of animals that are, essentially, bred for food is mental. Yes, the animals may not be treated too well which is heinous, but to trivialise the slaughter of 68 people, is horrific and irresponsible. And one of the things which shocked me about the whole situation was reading some of the comments the die hard Moz fans were putting on comments sections of the articles on the internet, supporting his statement, laughing that he’d courted this controversy and how he’d got everyone’s knickers in a twist. Well it cost him a fan, not that I’d be a fan he’d want, I eat meat, I wear leather and I’m not racist. The scales have fallen from my eyes and all I see now is a sad middle aged man who seems to be writing some sort of ‘How to be a Pompous Controversial Arse’ manual.

It pains me a little, I’ll never see him live (although if he were to make some sort of ill thought out statement such as the Anders Breivik one, I’m probably better off), and if the ever surfacing rumours of the Smiths reforming were to actually come off, that would be heartbreaking, but I just can’t do it. I don’t want that idiot getting any more of my money for spouting his bullshit.

Farewell Morrissey. You ruined it with your stupid ill thought out opinions. You’re a pop star, no one wants to know what opinions you hold*. Just write some fucking half decent songs and stop being a dickhead.

Now, who’s for KFC?

*See also: Thom Yorke, Michael Stipe, Bono, Nicky Wire and Chris Martin.