I was going to write a blog section about how I've bought Wii-fit this week. I was going to spend much of the article arguing about how I know it's no replacement for exercise to shift my beer belly and that I'm exercising as well, but Wii-fit is the last thing on my mind at the moment. They've confirmed that my mum definitely has cancer, and I'm in a pretty weird frame of mind at the moment.
She had a bone marrow biopsy last week - the last check they could think of doing, the cancer was that difficult to trace. Yesterday she got the results. I rang her to find out how the results had gone, and she told me. She has cancer of the bone marrow, it's incurable and they're starting her on radiotherapy sessions in three weeks because they might be able to "keep it at bay".
Tara and I met her and dad tonight for dinner. They're both upbeat about it, and we spoke a little about it (it's aggressive and can pop up anywhere) and what would be happening next. To help her into the restaurant I had to help her walk in, and help her walk out. My mum has always been so active, and it's the fact she's turning into a little frail old woman before my eyes that upsets me even more than the cancer.
I made the mistake of looking on the internet for details about bone marrow cancer. There's one which has a really shit survival rate - only out of three last more than five years. I hope and pray that she hasn't got this particular vicious brand.
I'm just a little bit lost at the moment. I've always been a pessimist and I'm terrified of losing my mum.