Topical reviews of 13 month old games: Heavy Rain



X is the easiest button to remember, so Write a blog post it is then.

Last week Tara and I watched the excellent Video Games BAFTAs (hosted by the as-always excellent Dara O'Briain) which was pretty much overwhelmed by artistic and music awards for the Playstation 3 game Heavy Rain (and sadly nothing for the excellent yet overlooked Limbo). I'll admit that I never picked up Heavy Rain first time round because it didn't look like the sort of game that would appeal, but what with it being dirt cheap now on pre-owned I thought I'd give it a try to see what all the fuss was about - and before the price suddenly rose on it with the inevitable "Game of the year edition" that'll no doubt be released shortly.

It was purchased on Friday, and some six or seven hours of gameplay I beat it this afternoon - Well, by 'beaten' I mean 'Reached one of the many endings'. So what with the game only being 13 months old I thought what better time than now to give you my opinions. I'm nowt if not typical. Next week I shall be reviewing the eighties classics "Weird Science" and "Teen Wolf" and making some humorous jokes about the skiing accident of Sonny Bono.

Heavy Rain isn't so much a computer game - It's the expensive genetically engineered nephew of those 'Choose your own adventure' novels from the eighties, albeit one with more swearing and nudity. It tells the tale of four protagonists living in a permanently rain-soaked city in America which is in the grip of a serial killer. This 'Origami Killer' is grabbing children from the streets (exclusively from poorer areas) and their bodies are found in wasteland several days later, the cause of death being drowning in rain water, an orchid left on their chest and origami figure in their dead grip.

Four protagonists.  One Origami Killer.  Millions of thriller cliches.

Despite billing itself as an intelligent crime thriller noir, the storyline is hackneyed rubbish. The motivations of the four main characters are vague or non-existent as they wander haplessly through ridiculous coincidence and plot-holes you could march a damp parade through.

What the game does well is atmosphere. The soundtrack is brilliant although oddly paced - even an action as simple as trying to open a fridge (Well, I say 'simple'. More on that later) will be accompanied by an ominous orchestral backing as though Freddy Kruger is in there lurking behind the Frozen yoghurt. The permanent moist setting is brilliantly realised and feels like a living, breathing place, but then...

It introduces one of the characters, an FBI agent, investigating a recent murder. All makes sense so far, but then you're introduced to an item from his inventory - some magic FBI glasses that he puts on.. and any atmosphere previously established runs kicking, swearing and screaming out of the room.

I'd previously thought of the FBI as being hard-working individuals, skilled at investigation and criminal profiling. My faith in them has slipped somewhat knowing that they're equipped with magic glasses which, at the press of a button, show the world in an eerie green tint and handily identifies nearby clues with a level of technology that will be difficult to create in a few decades time, let alone one supposed to exist in the modern day setting of Heavy Rain. It's definitely set in 2011 and not 2036, I checked.

Some fairness is restored in that said FBI agents investigations are hindered by the fact that even when a clue is right in front of him glowing bright green with some neon arrow pointing down at it reading 'Here's a fucking clue. CLUE!  CLUE!' that it'll take him a good minute or so to be able to actually manoeuvre himself into a position to do anything about it.

The controls are absolutely horrible. I know it wouldn't achieve the revolutionary aims that the makers of Heavy Rain set out to meet, but would there really be anything wrong with the old tried and trusted 'move the joystick in the direction you want to go' control mechanism?  Instead you have to rotate yourself around with the joystick and hold a button down to walk forward. Even an act as straightforward as walking into a different room will result in your own screen avatar wandering haplessly into every bit of furniture and crashing his (or her) face repeatedly against the door frame. Trying to open a cupboard?  Get used to spinning around on the spot whilst trying to do so and looking for all intents and purposes like you're wearing ill fitting (and different sized) rollerskates with broken wheels.

There is a particularly nightmarish sequence in which you're trying to make your way through an electrical powerstation without stir-frying yourself. Hold down the Square button on the PS3 controller to begin the process, and then hold down the triangle key at the same time. And then hold R1. And then hold R2. And then - hang on a fucking minute, I haven't got enough fingers for this. Bzzzzzzzt.

Although, that said, for much of the game you're not actually in control of the characters anyway. Just sitting through lengthy cutscenes or involved in set pieces where you can't actually die, no matter how dangerous the situation, matching key presses that appear on the screen that barely seem to represent the on-screen action your character will actually carry out. Unless you're the type who always opens cupboards by swiping your hand right across the front of it and then moving it slowly clockwise.

My hands... if only I could control them.

But do you know what?  Despite all my reservations about it and that it pretty much stands for everything I hate about videogames; I.e. it's pretentious, badly written and that it barely qualifies as being a computer game at all, I've really enjoyed the time I've spent in it.

The ridiculous storyline is far-fetched but I genuinely wanted to know how it panned out. Some of the set pieces, despite the fact I felt I had little influence over their outcome, are genuinely gripping and had my heart racing more than once.

Also, It looks absolutely gorgeous. The character models are truly incredible, although their realism is somewhat ruined as soon as my on-screen avatar comes blundering into a room like a chieftain tank. The voice acting is also spot-on with some genuinely decent acting - despite the incredible cheesiness of some of the dialogue, which makes a change.

So, all in all, a brave experiment. I'd have felt cheated paying full price for it, and I can't ever see myself playing it again - I can't imagine the plot will deviate that much as a result of my actions - but I enjoyed my time in Heavy Rain. It's only slightly more interactive than Dragons Lair, but in comparison to the bland identikit first person shooters that make up the video game marketplace these days, it genuinely felt different.

And it's the first game in history that Tara has been interested in and has watched from start to finish.

Let's get a proper author writing the script for a computer game and bung the Heavy Rain technology behind it. Keep the setting true within its own guidelines - that means no silly uber-technology anachronistic Magic FBI glasses, and we might genuinely be onto something interesting. And we'll be a step closer to that oh-so elusive "Video Games as Art".

It's like real life.  PLUS.

Every time we say goodbye I die a lot. Hell of a lot.

So, Demons Souls. New out on these shores for the PS3, despite being released more than a year ago in Japan (although by some small consolation, the UK version comes bundled with an artbook, soundtrack CD and strategy guide)

It's basically an RPG, albeit a very combat heavy one. It's a typical JPRG in that it's also very stat heavy, albeit it makes a refreshing change that blood type hasn't featured as a stat so far. Take note, Tekken and Street Fighter. The plot is typical fantasy twaddle; Kingdom under threat from great awakened evil, blah de blah, lone hero goes to fight great evil and collects the souls of those he kills to upgrade/repair his/her equipment, increase his/her stats, so far so anorak-with-D20-filled-pockets.

And then dies a lot.

By which I mean a lot.

Demons Souls is by far the most unforgiving game I have ever played in my 28 years or so of computer gaming.

No checkpoints. You die, anywhere during the level, and you're sent right back to the start. And all of the enemies you've ploughed your way through have all respawned. The closest thing the game has to checkpoints is the ability to open a portcullis - the portcullis will remain open, thus leaving a shortcut when you next respawn. However, you won't start finding any of these until right near the end of the level. Any equipment you used during your last life? Gone. Weapon broke during your last life? Tough - you're going to have to spend a fortune repairing it or switch to another weapon.

Upon dying, all the souls you've collected have gone. The only way to get them back is to find where you previously died and touch your bloodstain. But woe betide if you die before you can achieve this, the bloodstain from your most recent death only holds as many souls as you claimed up until then with that life. That bloodstain holding some 3000 souls from two deaths before? Vanished for good.

The combat is very, very difficult. There is no such thing as cannon fodder in this game - if you're careless, even one of the lowest minions can kill you with a few careful blows. It's no Soulcalibur. Combat is a tactical affair; you and your opponent circling each other and carefully considering the moment you each dare to let your guard down to strike a desperate blow between holding shields aloft and protecting yourself for all your might. One opponent is tough enough, before the game starts throwing two and three at you - about fifteen seconds into the first level.

So why don't I, with my incredibly short attention span, hate it? I really should. The amount of times I've thrown my PS3 controller on the floor swearing loudly followed by me switching the PS3 off (still swearing, albeit less loudly by now) I should have taken the game back for part exchange or at least burnt the disk ritually.

But ultimately, the game is awesome. When you die, it's not because the game is unfair. It's because you got cocky and rushed into a fight or didn't react quickly enough to raise your shield. It's because you used way too much important equipment taking out minions when you should have saved it for the big guys. It's because you insisted on taking the two handed Bastard sword down some tunnels when it's not wide enough to swing to get a proper blow in. It's because you used a healing herb when you still had 15% of health left - you should have risked saving it until later. It's because you let that guy get around your back when you should have taken him out first.

Every inch you progress with every subsequent life is a minor triumph. Taking out a boss is cause for a small party, earning enough souls to level up cause for an even bigger one. It's a proper gamers game, and I can't recommend it highly enough. Oh, and it looks gorgeous.

Is it just me or do the generous checkpoints in 99% of modern computer games take away from the basic tension of it all? Where's the threat in that if anything goes wrong, you'll be placed ten metres back from where you were before with everything you had? Or can hit a 'quickload' key to achieve much the same aim? Demons Souls takes advantage of how harsh it is - you're putting everything you can into every fight because you don't want to do that last half an hour of game all over again - and controversial though it might be, I think it's all the better for it.

Just be prepared to see the 'You have died' screen a lot. In fact, you'll see it so often it'll end up burned onto your television, so you might have to invest in a new one of those as well.

Drake Rattle and Roll

Do you remember in the early nineties with the dawn of the wonderful invention of the CD Rom when they told us that "interactive movies" were the future? And all we ended up with was excremental on-rails stuff like Night Trap, Mad Dog McCree and Rebel Assault? Well, Naughty Dog Studio have finally gone and done it and made the closest thing to a cinematic experience that I’ve ever played. And not a cinematic experience like Terminator: Salvation either - because that would be shit.I've spent many glorious hours over the last three days playing and beating the truly wonderful Uncharted 2: Among Thieves and can confirm that it’s utterly wonderful from start to finish. Apart from the odd irritating moment (which is more down to my impatient fat handed twat game-playing style than anything else) it’s easily one of the best games I’ve played all year – along with Arkham Asylum.

The first Uncharted 2 game was a pleasant enough tombraider-esque romp with excellent graphics and likeable and well rounded characters. Standing apart from similar games simply down a gorgeous graphical engine and excellent voice acting, it was hard to see how it could be bettered – but Naughty Dog have done exactly that.

The game itself is a globe-trotting romp in search of treasure – one of which is a potentially destructive artefact that the lead baddie shouldn’t get his hands on, naturally. The journey of the hero, tomb-raider and cocky smart arse Nathan Drake, will take him from deep jungles to long hidden tombs to icy mountain ranges - with the occasional high speed vehicle chase and gunfight on the top of a fast moving train thrown in for good measure.

The game is beautiful – as per Oblivion, you’ll spend much of the game simply standing looking at the scenery and the immense vistas you find yourself in. It’s easily the best looking game on any of the next generation consoles right now with utterly convincing environments.

Special mention must go to the quality storyline and stellar voice acting – the actors have been allowed to improvise many of their lines, and it really shows – the characters are believable, likeable, well rounded and the dialogue absolutely shines. I’m still smiling about some of the dialogue in the games closing sequence even now.

Of course, there are inevitable boss fights – but even all of these are excellently done. Even the final boss fight is satisfying, which is more than can be done for the let-down that was the finale of the otherwise excellent Bioshock and Arkham Asylum.

What you’ll take away from this brilliant experience is the little triumphant moments you find yourself in; the first time you perform a stealth kill on the train by pulling a guard over the edge to his death, the moment where you wrestle a chaingun from a soldier and use it on his colleagues.. all perfect little moments brilliantly realised.

I simply can’t rave about this game enough. If you own a PS3 please purchase this game – Games with a level of polish, sheen and love like this come along rarely – especially from big developers. You’ll enjoy it from start to finish, much of your journey accompanied by a huge beaming smile on your face.

The most convoluted pie metaphor so far this year

For the second time in two years, my Xbox 360 has once again rejoined the choir invisible. It started playing up just after Christmas, struggling to run Far Cry 2 in much the same way as an asthmatic one lunged one legged pensioner has difficulty climbing the post office stairs. The occasional failure to read the disk or, my all time favourite, simply freezing mid game made me think that something was afoot - and indeed, a few weeks later it finally gave up the ghost. The dreaded three Red Rings of Death! One email to Microsoft, a UPS packing label, phone call and jiffy bag filled box later saw it winging its way back to Frankfurt for repair. Ironically, this means my 360 will probably end up having a better and more exotic holiday than me this year.

My PS3 must have been surprised to find itself being switched on for gaming purposes. It's more used to playing Blu-ray disks and torrented movies burnt to DVD at the moment, so I'm not surprised it simply refused to run my dusty copy of Motorstorm. Deciding at the weekend that I would really be hard pressed to find the critically well received Uncharted: Drakes Fortune (one of the launch titles for the PS3) any cheaper than £12, I decided to treat myself.

And what a treat! It's like a prettier Tomb Raider with an infinitely more likeable lead character - I can't stand Lara Croft. She may as well have a sticker hanging off her too-perfect arse reading "Custom designed by lecherous male committee for your demographic".

It shamelessly nicks the best bits from other games; The duck and fire mechanism is stolen straight from Gears of War, the treacherous jumping from platform to platform from the aforementioned Tomb Raider (clearly its biggest influence). The locations are exotic, varied and attractive - the plot entertaining and convincing enough. It also has a decent caliber of voice acting; the hero Nathan Drake and his sidekick Elena Fisher are good foils for each other, and the dialogue is well-written and authentic.

I'm racing through it and enjoying every minute - Investigating hidden tombs, engaging in high-speed vehicle chases, having gunfights in abandoned castles, fleeing through canals on a jet-ski. Niggles? The puzzles are of the "Solve Puzzle Yes/No" variety - "Ooh, a picture of four symbols with numbers by them. I wonder if I have to press the buttons with the same symbols in that order. Well, whaddyaknow!" - and I have the horrible feeling it might just abruptly stop.

But, all in all, thoroughly recommended - especially for the cheap price tag. I might have to do the same with Enchanted Sword now and some of the other early PS3 titles that shops can't even give away now. If I was inclined to provide a score, and its my blog so I'll do what I want, I'd give it 8.13 FoldsFives out of 11.07. If I wasn't inclined to provide a score, I wouldn't. Think on that.

Uncharted: Drakes Fortune is in sharp contrast, entertainment wise, to the disappointment that was the final issue of the DC epic Final Crisis. Issues #1 to #6 were brilliantly written and paced installments of what culminates here in an absolute mess of a comic. I'm a big fan of Grant Morrison but I've really missed the point with what he's tried to achieve here - major events are shoehorned into a single panel ("Aquamans back!", "Hawkman, Hawkgirl and Mr. Terrific are dead!")and it's difficult to tell whether elements of the tale are in real time or flashback. It's incredibly confusing and a poor end to a brilliant saga.

And did the DC universe really need to see Captain Carrot and the fucking Zoo Crew again? For fucks sake. If Final Crisis #7 were a pie, it would be a delicious looking yet vile tasting pie with too many ingredients in. Which was overcooked. And hidden within five other pies. And it would only be a picture of a pie, and not actually be a real pie.