Dredd 3D - The Verdict - Spoiler-free

June 1995; The Space Shuttle Atlantis docks with the Russian Space Station Mir for the first time, Jacques Chirac resumes nuclear testing in French Polynesia, Stuart Maconie is busy scribbling down notes about what he's watching on television for his inevitable appearance on "I love 1995", South Africa has just won the Rugby world cup and a 24 year old me sits down in the Odeon cinema in Coventry with his friend Gary to watch Judge Dredd.

The cinema darkens and (after being handily informed about the availability of cold drinks in the foyer by an anthropomorphised drink carton and the proximity of local curry houses which I might like to try) the credits roll. The awesome swell of the (underrated) Alan Silvestri soundtrack plays over a backdrop of a flickering montage of Dredd panels, and then we see The Cursed Earth (also known as Bigg Market) and some exposition read out by Darth Vader.  "It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base..".  Or something like that.

A H-Wagon approaches a city from the Cursed Earth, docks inside the City Wall and then we see our first glimpse of the metropolis of Mega City One - at first crowded streets which then open out onto a huge vista, a megascape of vast city blocks and flying vehicles. "This is it", I think, tears of emotion welling in my eyes, "This is Mega City One. This is the city I've been reading about since I was six years old, the city I've had countless roleplaying adventures in. This is soooooo cool. (Or 'wicked' as may have been a popular colloquialism back in the mid nineties).

And then the vehicle we're following descends (and in hindsight, so did the quality of the film) and we find ourselves at ground level watching two Judges caught in the crossfire of a block war awaiting backup.

Hershey and Brisco in position outside Heavenly Haven! We're under fire from the upper floors. Request backup! Cell "B" in Heavenly Haven, on the corner of Abbott and Costello - request backup!

Cue a dreadul slow motion shot of a lawmaster bike approaching through flames and slowing to a halt. And then the driver dismounts, only his huge ridiculous boots in shot. This has to be Dredd.

Holy crud! He's a sitting duck out there!
He knows what he's doing.

And then.. wait for it.... It's Sylvester Stallone!

Armour designed by Gianni Versace. I shit you not.

Uuuuh uhhhhm.. thuuuuuh luuuurrrrh!
Druuuuhp yuuuuuh wuuhpuuuns!
These bluuuuuhks.. are uuuuuhnder.. uhhrest!

Somehow Stallone achieves the impossible - with every single unintelligible word he utters, the film becomes noticeably worse. It's a rare talent. And you see he's got a gleaming codpiece. And it gets worse. And says the catchphrase, "I knuuuh yuuuud say thuuuut". And it gets worse. And a comedy sidekick is introduced - and it's Rob Schneider - who has never been funny. And it gets worse. And then you think "Man, this can't get any worse", and he takes the helmet off without batting an eyelid and the film achieves what you'd thought impossible - It gets worse.

Flying lawmasters that only work when the plot dictates Dredd killing more Judges than any of the villains. Dredd kissing Hershey. Rob bloody Schneider.

And you end up sitting through a Judge Dredd film assembled by a committee - a melting pot of disparate plot lines. It's like a Jive Bunny megamix of what Dredd should be. Hey, lets throw in the Angel Gang! And somebody can go on The Long Walk! And lets have an ABC Warrior!

And I came out of that cinema, blinking into the daylight, and did something I never did again until I went to see Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.  I convinced myself it was good. I'd gone in with such expectations and couldn't quite come to terms with how bad it was, so tried to convince myself - but it never quite worked. Luckily it never put me off Dredd himself though, a fact that regular readers of this blog (and friends of mine on Facebook) are probably bored sick of.

Thing is, with hindsight, Judge Dredd is quite a reasonable throwaway eighties movie. Unfortunately, it was an eighties movie made in the mid-nineties.

But, by Grud, let's put aside memories from 1995 and fly kicking and screaming into the year 2012 and the release of Dredd 3D.

Expectations for this have been high, with only a trickle of publicity surrounding the film. The trailer was released only recently - but was well received - as was an exclusive showing of the movie to fans at San Diego Comic Con. For all intents and purposes Karl Urban makes a great Dredd, and - most importantly - the helmet stays on, as it has done throughout the characters illustrious comic career.

So.. last week I received an email from Michael Molcher, the PR coordinator for Rebellion (publishers of 2000ad) asking me if I'd like to attend a private screening of Dredd 3D for fans in Soho on the evening of the 30th of August, with a meet-and-greet with Karl Urban (Dredd) and Alex Garland (the writer) before the screening. How could I refuse?

And then the nerves sank in. Days passed without hearing anything. Did they get my confirmation? Had I been forgotten about? Was my invitation a huge, ghastly mistake? And then the email arrived, and what a relief - 1 seat for the screening, arrive at 6:30 for a 7 p.m. showing at the private screening in London. So, with train and hotel booked, off to That London again with the missus (who, despite not being able to see the film - despite trying to win a ticket via competitions - can catch up with some of our old friends in London.. which I'm off to do now). I seem to be making a habit of travelling to the capital on the days following Olympic Opening Ceremonies.

And I've literally just left the screening and am on the way for drinks now. It's 17 years since I saw Stallones Dredd and here I am again, blinking back into the real world.

When I arrived at the screening, it was a relief to see some of the Minty crew there. John Wagner and Carlos Ezquerra were there also (who both graciously signed my dredd travel pass holder, the only Dredd related thing I had) and after a brief intro from Alex and Karl, the film began...

And then 95 minutes later drew to a close and was met by rapturous applause... Which must have come as a relief to the writer Alex Garland who had already said in his intro that this was one of the most nerve-wracking screenings he had ever attended.

The verdict? Amazing. The Dredd film that we should have had back in the nineties. Urban has absolutely nailed it. Incredibly (and brutally) violent but with a satirical sense of humour and a firm grounding in reality.

There are plenty of little touches in there to keep the seasoned 2000ad fan happy, but it is also an incredibly well written introduction to the character.

Face off.

The ghost of the Stallone version has finally been wiped out, presumably by Karl Urbans Dredd armed with an exorcist bullet. This is the definitive Dredd movie.

I for one cannot wait to see it again.

The Ultimates

Good afternoon, true believers! I thought I'd wax lyrical again about my love of comics - mainly, what the first of a list of things you should be getting your grubby little hands on, if you haven't read it already..

Ultimates Volumes 1 & 2



Reading more like an excellently crafted billion-dollar budget Hollywood film than another take on one of Marvels oldest superteams, "The Ultimates" is the genius creation of Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch. This great comic takes the classic supergroup "The Avengers" (Captain America, The Hulk, Iron Man, Thor, Wasp, etc) and throws them up against world-devastating threats, all to the accompaniment of the some of the best dialogue and artwork in modern comics.

Until you've seen the Hulk make mincemeat out of an alien invasion force because he mistakenly belives they've called him a sissy, or seen Captain America refuse to surrender against overwhelming odds whilst pointing to the 'A' on his mask and asking, "Surrender? What do you think this stands for? France?!", you've never lived.

The beauty of this (and all of the other "Ultimate" stuff that Marvel have done) is that it is essentially a "reboot". Many of the Marvel titles (the X-titles in particular) are so bogged down in a level of continuity that beats most soap operas, that it's difficult to pick up new titles. The "Ultimate" universe is effectively a new take on all of the characters - Indeed, the first volume of "The Ultimates" concerns itself with the supergroup being established - there is no need to know anything about Captain Americas background - and indeed you could get by with not even knowing who he is.

Millars writing and ear for snappy dialogue is easily matched by Bryan Hitches art. Some of the work in this, especially some of the single or double page spreads is absolutely stunning. There is the odd problem towards the end of volume 2 where it would appear deadlines meant the work appears more rushed than usual, but thats a very minor criticism.

The only warning I'd give you is to avoid anything past volume 2 - Neither Millar or Hitch were involved after these and it's no longer the essential reading it once was. Poor script and confusing art simply remind you how much better its predessor was. Both Millar and Hitch are now doing Fantastic 4 - In their hands it's becoming as good a read as Ultimates ever was.

Excelsior!

I gave up insisting you call them graphic novels when I realised I wasn't ashamed of the fact that they're comics

Inspired to post this by both a drunken conversation held last night and a brief forum discussion yesterday with the ever entertaining Dan Cross (who has one of the most entertaining and readable blogs out there at the moment), let me briefly touch upon Zack "300 is the most heterosexual film out there" Snyders forthcoming epic Watchmen.

Watchmen was a seminal DC mini series from the 1980s, as guilty as The Dark Knight Returns, Maus and Archie meets the Punisher for completely reinventing the genre and making comics for adults again. By this stage though, gentle reader (I nicked that from Stan Lee) as soon as you've read the word comics you'll already have decided whether you're interested in this or not.

Watchmen is an epic tale, grandiose in tale, regarding retired super heroes in a world that no longer needs them dealing with a conspiracy way larger than any of them can appreciate. It's bold, daring, uses narrative techniques previously unseen in comics and truly is (and its a phrase I'm loathe to use, but will nonetheless) a work of art.

Which is why it should NEVER be made into a film.

I truly am of the frame of mind that some things shouldn't be done because they hurt the thing that made them great in the first place. In drunken conversations I'll often (in fact, probably over predictably so) remark how the matrix sequels ruin the original film. Just because something CAN be done (and in this case, it's special effects boffins realising that some of the visual effects in the film are actually achievable now) it doesn't mean that it should.

For one, the film is too detailed and colourful to fit into a single film (unless it had an eight hour running time, and I don't think Hollywood is quite prepared for that). The comic works because of the length - as a reader, we've invested quite a lot into the history and background of the characters we're reading about. To condense this would make Watchmen appear to be just another superhero movie, which is the LAST thing it should be about. It should be about legacy, heroism and that overwhelming eighties fear of nuclear oblivion and NOT about interesting CGI set pieces that turn it into Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Watchmen is now so far along the Hollywood conveyor belt that the publicity machine has now kicked in proper. The first photographs of the sets and costumes have been revealed (I could link to them, but you could just as easily find them yourself. I'm too depressed by them to do it) and by the time it's out it will blend into the other summer blockbusters.

I really hope I'm wrong, but I fear I'm going to sit down and watch another Judge Dredd. I really hope that I'm wrong on this one. It's been known.