Happy New Year!

Two days into 2011 and I know it's rather too early to say, but I hope it's been a good start!  Now my head and liver have recovered slightly from the events of our own New Year I feel compelled to write about it - If nothing more, then to act as cautionary tale about the inconvenience of having a giant mask as a fancy dress party in a crowded location.

So, Friday afternoon saw my lovely wife Tara, the newly engaged Fran & Tom and myself heading down to lovely Glemsford in Suffolk for their local pubs (The Angel) 2010 New Years Eve party - the fancy dress theme being 70s/80s Rock Stars.  I'd been to the Angel once before (and had duly guest written an article on my friend Neils blog about it) and having thoroughly enjoyed myself last time, was looking forward to another visit.  And it's always a good excuse to pay a visit to such good friends in such a lovely part of the country.

Regular/Irregular/anybody who happened to catch any of the photographs right down there* readers of this blog will know that my original fancy dress plans of going as Noddy Holder were changed in a dramatic turn of events (which I've carefully illustrated below).  The Frank Sidebottom mask was finished on the Friday morning with a few tidying up licks of paint and padding out with bubble wrap so it would actually sit properly on my head.

We turned up at Chez Neil and Lisa after an uneventful drive (lining our stomachs with Mcdonalds finest on the journey - nothing says Christmas and New Year more than a Mcdonalds Festive Pie) and waited for the others to arrive, whilst filling the time (and our stomachs) with cans of Carling, bottles of Budweiser and an assortment of snacky treats provided by our generous hosts.

Tom was dressed as Angus from AC/DC, Tara as Paul Stanley from Kiss (albeit Paul Stanley with breasts - an unusual yet slightly arousing combination) with Fran dressed as Bad Sandy from Grease (who, unlike Olivia Newton John, didn't have to be sewn into her trousers).  We watched in a combination of horror and amusement as Neil decked himself out as Freddie Mercury in full housewife garb from the "I want to break free" video (complete with savoury maize-snack nipples) and Lisa made up herself as Siouxsie Sioux.

Campbell and Gwen arrived, respectively dressed as Kenny Rogers (from off of Kenny Rogers Chicken fame) and Dolly Parton.  Later arrivals were Gill (in full amazing bacofoil Abba costume) and Gerry (Alice Cooper) and Lizzie (David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King, complete with prosthetic penis and prop Raoul the Owl) and Paul (as The Edge).

We set off towards The Angel at around 9, the more lazy amongst us getting a lift.  The place was absolutely heaving but eventually we found sufficient space to sit (and Neil managed to pick up a small plastic yellow childrens hoover, thus completing the uncanny Freddie Mercury transformation).  The Frank Sidebottom mask saw limited use through much of the night, as navigation was next to impossible - I've thoughtfully provided a simulation for your convenience (although it could be argued in the case of the photograph I've chosen as a demonstration, seeing less of it could be viewed as a positive thing).

However, the mask got a certain amount of reaction.  At one stage a bloke asked to take a photograph of his girlfriend sitting on my knee.  She clearly didn't have a clue who I had come as (much like Lizzie) but reluctantly (and confusedly) did so.  Little Frank also joined in with the fun, at one point getting the whole 70s/80s Rock Star fancy dress bit confused and putting on his Batman mask.  Vast quantities of Abbot Ale and lager were consumed, with Tom even being brave enough to attempt the 6.5% Greene King Abbot Special Reserve (which, luckily for his liver, had ran out at the bar before he could have another one).

Much as with my first visit to The Angel, The Fallen were playing.  As like before (in fact uncannily like before, if their set list was anything to go by) they were excellent.  A performance of Freebird ensured they adhered to the pubs unwritten rule ("No Freebird - No Pay") so they'd get paid for the evening.  

Raucous celebrations ensued at Midnight rang in, which was accompanied by the fantastic news of Tom asking me to be his best man which was, in itself, an awesome start to 2011.  I managed a brief bit of dancing now there was sufficient room to actually move around the building but returned to find Frank gone.  Luckily it just turned out a few of the locals had been trying him on, but he was returned safely, albeit slightly damp.

So, all in all, an absolutely brilliant evening.  Thanks for Neil and Lisa for both inviting us and allowing us to occupy much of their house, and here's to a fantastic 2011 for all of us.  Happy New Year!

It's the New Year. You know it is, it really is.

As I write this, preparations are underway to go and visit our friends Neil and Lisa for a New Years Party at their local - a fancy dress party at that, the theme being Rock Stars from the 70s and 80s.  Tara is going as Peter Kriss Paul Stanley from Kiss, albeit a Paul Stanley with tits, and I'd originally intended to go as the ever-awesome Noddy Holder from Slade.  However, inspiration struck on Monday morning and I decided (as there was adequate time to prepare) to go as one of the single greatest rock stars of the 1980s.  I would pay tribute to the great man who sadly passed away this year from cancer.  Yes, tonight Matthew, for you I shall be.. Frank Sidebottom.

Purchasing a tin effect helium balloon from Hobbycraft (the only balloon of a decent size), we padded out the sides to make it an oval by sticking carrier bags on the side filled with wrapping paper, to make the basic shape.  After several layers of PVA glue soaked newspaper followed by A4 paper followed by newspaper followed by A4 paper, etc, I bravely cut open the bottom and was surprised when it didn't simply deflate.  Having removed the innards, I had a reasonable oval shape.  I then proceded to paint it with several coats of ready mixed kids peach paint and left it to try.

Once it had dried, I painted in Franks hair (again with some ready mixed kids black paint) and left to try again.  I experimented with ears (as per this photograph) but just couldn't get them looking right, so abandoned the idea.  I'd simply draw them on instead.  The occasional tidy up of where the black paint had faded showing patches of peachy flesh and..

It was ready to try on to figure out where the eye holes should go.  Some messing around with the mirror and nearly poking myself in my actual eyes with a pencil and they were correctly positioned.  The whole mask is quite heavy and too large, even for my own overly sized cranium, so will need padding out so it stays in place.  I enlarged the eye holes to the right size to match some adhesive eyes I'd drawn earlier.  I took some old 3D glasses from when I'd been to see Avatar and cut out the lenses and stuck them inside the mask, thus ensuring the eye holes were dark and not obvious - I.e. you couldn't see my eyes inside them.  Eyes I'm lucky to still have after the random pencil poking incident.  Don't try this at home, kids.  Or if you insist on doing at home, try to be patient and wait for somebody elses assistance to locate your eyes and mark them accordingly. 

Ta-daaaa!  Properly stuck on eyes and a drawn on nose later, and it's almost complete.  Frank is nearly complete - now he just needs his parting (painted on a seperate piece of adhesive paper so I can simply stick it over the hair) and a mouth capable of taking a straw (so I can at least have a drink New Years eve, even if not a cigarette).  Hell, I'm giving up smoking for my New Years resolution anyway, so this will be a good start.  I had to enlarge the hole for me to feed my head through - it wasn't quite large enough for me to able to fit my noggin in if I had glasses on at the same time - and with visibility obscured when inside this damn thing, It'll be nice to have my glasses on so I at least stand a fighting chance of navigating about.  Top tip: A peg (or food clip) pinned over your nose makes an excellent Frank Sidebottom voice simulator.  And is also a textbook example on how to suffocate on PVA glue fumes in a poorly ventilated mask. 

One completed Frank later.  Mouth cut out and painted around, and ready for venturing into the big wide outdoors.  Not too keen I had to move the eyes closer together than Frank would normally have them, but I needed to match the position of my own eyes or else I'd be moving around like some kind of drunk cyclopean idiot.

Now, you only need a show biz suit (or just a suit), white shirt and tie and your transformation is complete!

So, Frank gets an outing tonight - and I've made a Little Frank as well to keep him company.  Photos will undoubtedly follow - any excuse for a new blog post these days.  But to serious matters - I hope you all have an excellent New Year, and that the best of 2010 is the worst of 2011.  Happy New Year, and thanks for reading.  Here's hoping the New Year will be a phonomenal one for all of us.

Also, last but not least - congratulations to my great friends Tom and Fran for getting engaged on Christmas Day.  Regular readers of this blog will know Tom as the semi-regular contributor Druid - responsible for recent whinges about Fallout: New Vegas and the man solely responsible for the only celebrity comment on this blog; Namely Scott Sigler on Toms piece about his new book.  Tara and I wish them all the very best - they're a fantastic couple and I'm genuinely made up for them.

Disclaimer: FoldsFive.co.uk does not accept responsibility for any injuries sustained during the potential manufacture of your own Frank Sidebottom Papier Mache head.  FoldsFive is a trained professional with years of Papier Mache practice and blindly poking in the direction of his eyes with pointed Ikea pencils and does not recommend that you attempt the same.