|Julian Assange. Yesterday.|
Mr Assange, who has now been living in the Ecuadorean London Embassy for a year, was granted political asylum there back on the 19th of June 2012. He faces extradition to Sweden over sex allegations, which he vigorously denies.
"Frankly we're fed up him", said Ecuador's foreign minister Ricardo Patino who will be visting Mr Assange later in the month to organise a meeting with Foreign Secretary William Hague.
"His room in the Embassy is a complete dump", continued Patino, "He's obsessed with collecting newspaper cuttings about all kinds of rubbish and sticking them to the wall. I wouldn't even mind if he used blu-tac but he insists on using Sellotape and he's ruining the wallpaper."
"One of the cleaners took one look in there the other week and give him a piece of her mind. Next thing we know he's published an eighteen page expose about her on the internet saying how she's got three books out from the library that are two weeks overdue, how she lied in her CV about having a "B" in O Level Geography and that she once passed cheap wine off as expensive stuff at a party by changing the bottle."
"Once when I refused to pop out of the Embassy for him to pick up something he wanted because I was busy - Some Dandelion and Burdock pop and some Jaffa cakes, if memory serves - he went off on one. Started shouting how was a blind supporter of the hegemony of the U.S. Military. I think he said the word "Sheeple" several times. When he'd finished he slammed his door and didn't come out for three days. By which time he pretending nothing had happened but suspiciously there was suddenly a video on Youtube of me where my voice had been replaced by the sound of a man trumping. I'm frankly at the end of my tether."
"So ultimately you're welcome to him. Any more of this bullshit and he'll have to forcibly extradite from boot from his mouth. At this stage we're frankly considering folding him in in his bedding whilst he sleeps and rolling him out of the window."