Thursday, February 21, 2013

Sony reveal Playstation 4 features: Exclusive

  • Features ominous blue LED panel that will light up whenever other Sony devices are in the immediate vicinity.
  • Will call opponents 'faggots' or 'sluts' automatically when playing multiplayer Call of Duty (dependent on whether opponent is female or male).
  • Will flash up indicators on compatible Sony Bravia televisions or Xperia Smartphones when personal details and passwords are being hacked and sold to exploitative third parties.
  • Will automatically reduce value and quality of avatars clothing with every pre-owned game played.
  • Will automatically reduce its price by $100 every three months.
  • Automatically finds any Xbox 720s in close proximity and sends them instant messages laden with profanities.
  • Will not explode sending molten plastic fragments into rooms occupants faces and eyes without warning (feature only available in PS4 Ultra edition).
  • Game compatibility extends to every gaming console and/or computer ever released (Space War and VIC 20 3.5k compatibility only available in PS4 Ultra edition) - playing old Lionhead games  will have the additional bonus that they will now feature all the game features that Peter Molyneux was clearly bullshitting about during development.
  • Playstation move functionality now mandatory.
  • For additional subscription charge, Playstation Live will lie about all the games you haven't completed and grant you the appropriate reward points.
  • Edible controller comes in four flavours - Cola, Cola Lite, Raspberry or Zinc.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love comments. Love 'em. However, abusive or spam or Anonymous ones may well be sent straight to the bin. Thems the rules.