The mismatched worlds of disease research (primarily those involved with Cancer research) and rape crisis centres alike were thrown into sharp disarray yesterday evening when it was revealed that a lot of people, on the whole, don't like cancer very much and think that rape is a bad thing.
"This news is quite frankly revolutionary and could cause a complete paradigm shift", said Professor Carl V05-Extreme of the International Laboratories for Getting Rid of Diseases And Stuff. "We've all been a bit 'meh' about all of our research for a considerable amount of time, to be fair - but to know that we have the support of the general public is absolutely fantastic. We'd previously managed with people either donating money or their time, but to know that people can instead actually go to a page of the internet to approve of what we do - and then go on to something else and never give us a second thought - gives us that extra get up and go to get some research done and stuff."
Visibly moved, the professor showed us a sample facebook page.
"Look", he said, visibly moved and scrolling the screen down, "Sometimes they even offer a poignant message and this can often be a genuine help. Carl Wilkes says "I h8 cancer and wish it was gon". That's touching".
"Come on, guys!", shouted an obviously buoyant V05-Extreme, "Lets cure some cancer!"
Barry Setsquare, 42, Librarian and occasional rapist, was shocked by the news.
"I'm shocked by the news", he said, "I'd previously considered rape a bit of harmless fun. I really had no idea that so many members of the generic public stand opposed to the idea. To think that nearly thirty thousand people would go to the incredible trouble of clicking 'Like' on a picture really throws things into sharp focus, and I've really been forced to re-evaluate my life. I was considering moving into the field of animal cruelty or mocking the appearance of Children with Downs Syndrome, but it only bloody looks like a lot of people have a problem with that as well. Typical."
But whereas on the surface this may all seem like exceptionally good news, we should hold back on being too optimistic.
"I'm a volunteer at a Rape Crisis centre", said an interviewee who wished to remain anonymous, "I put in a great deal of time - a good 20 hours a week - into looking after victims of this most horrific type of abuse, and it warms my heart to know that, in general, a lot of people stand by what we do. However, it clearly states on a lot of the posts that to ignore the post means that you condone rape - which quite worryingly means that with only 30,000 thousand "Likes" this still leaves some 6,999,970,000 individuals who clearly support this most abhorrent of acts. Except for those who don't use Facebook of course. The evil un-clicking unthinking bastards."
A happy 2013 to all. Click and share this page and see what happens - and if you don't share this post, you'll get aids. And if you haven't read it already, read this.