Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Dear Fresh Breath Ltd.

Fresh Breath Ltd. UK
Caxton Court, Caxton Way
Watford Business Park
Watford, Herts
WD18 8RH

8th June 2011

To whom it may concern,

Whilst perusing the sale offers in my local branch of Morrisons a few days ago I happened to come across one of your products, namely Icy Fresh Mint Dentyl Mouthwash. That’s the last time they let me into Morrisons.

Ha,ha. No, I jest. Just attempting to lighten the mood of what is ultimately a very serious complaint I have to raise regarding this product and one that many other recipients of this potentially amazing product must have encountered.

In the common vernacular, I’ll “cut to the chase”. I purchased said product ("Icy Fresh Mint Dentyl Mouthwash") and took it home, excited over the promises on the packaging which I must admit (in my feverish excitement) to have memorised (“Works 6 ways to provide total mouthwash care for healthy mouth and gums. Provides long lasting fresh breath with Zabactyl® and Menthol for an invigorating mint flavour”).

Oh how my heart raced as I prepared to use this dental miracle. 6 ways to provide total mouthwash care? My brain could barely comprehend it. And Zabactyl®? Why, the sound of it alone conjured up a miracle breakthrough in dental hygiene care, images of bespectacled scientists poring over this revolutionary discovery.  Like an excited child at Christmas I tore off the protective seal around the lid and prepared to be amazed.

However, something didn’t feel right. A nagging sense of unease swept over me. With a feeling of sheer dread I picked up the bottle (having replaced the lid to avoid any unnecessary spillage) and re-read the instructions on the bottles reverse.

Had I not been holding the bottle firmly the shock alone would have caused me to drop it. I gasped aloud at my sheer idiocy, for there in clear text for all to see was the legend:


Curse my folly! Even though it only cost me the sum of one British pound I couldn’t help but feel disappointed in my stupidity. Through my own actions I’d effectively ruined the product. The minty fresh blue liquid called out to me, its rich fresh scent hanging in the air, enticing me with its promises of minty breath freshness, but I knew its efforts were for naught.

I’ve re-read the instructions on the packaging at least thirty times now and have even searched through the internet for a solution to this problem. I was forced to dispose of the Dentyl, crying through frustration as I poured it down the sink. Is there perhaps a missing component to the product that Morrisons have neglected to attach? Perhaps a small plastic nozzle or tap which could be used to pierce the bottles plastic allowing me to access the minty goodness within without the need to resort to opening it via the method I thought would be safest?

I eagerly look forward to your response.

David Court BSc(Hons)

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