Crysis 2 was a man and not a computer game - which may seem like a very odd analogy, but bear with me - if he climbed into the helicopter next to Dutch and Co at the start of Predator, they'd all feel incredibly inadequate by comparison. Crysis 2 would sneer at Jesse "The Body" Ventura (so called, apparently, because he is in possession of a body - and "The Spleen" was taken) chewing his tobacco (which apparently makes him feel like a "goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus") because Crysis 2 would be too busy gnawing the corners off house bricks. For fun. As it mocked its colleagues sexual orientation, as they sat helplessly nearby and wept into their Malibu and coke.
Crysis 2 (or "KABOOOOOOOOOM!" as it should be called) is the excitingly titled sequel to Crysis, a PC only game that I never played because I've never owned one of the only three super computers on the planet capable of running it. The kind of machine that when you switch it on causes you to get warning letters from your electricity supplier and complaints from your neighbours regarding their house lights dimming every time you power it up.
Crysis 2 tells the story of.. Actually, I've played it to completion and I'm still not really sure what the story is. There are some aliens and some bad humans, and they might be in league - or might not - and you have to shoot them up regardless. Except for when you're teamed up with them, and end up shooting them by accident as they wander into your line of fire as though life suddenly became too overwhelming for them, like a man forced to watch the Box Set of Series 1 of "Horne & Corden" in its entirety. Anyway, there are loads of huge explosions and loads of stupidly large weapons that no mortal man could even lift, let alone fire, without fire of dislocating their arms or shoulders. Or heads.
And it's never mentioned in the plot, but the aliens also seem to have attacked New York with a Super-retardo-ray™ which backfired on them, because every opponent you'll meet in the game (except for the odd occasion which really stands out), be they the standard human variety or some nasty tentacled beastie, is a fucking idiot. An enemy soldier will see you in plain view become invisible and will suddenly forget you ever existed, going about his business as though he's decided you were simply a mirage or trick of the light. An alien will see you emerge from stealth mode and stab his Martian friend in the back with a knife and will completely ignore you, as though he never really liked his friend anyway. Despondent opponents will charge at a wall and run against it for ever until you put them out of their misery with a grenade. Honestly, some of the scenery shows more intelligence than your opponents.
And the epilogue movie sets Crysis 2 up perfectly for a sequel with such a nonsensical piece of exposition that I've watched it three times and it still makes absolutely no sense. Honestly, for all the logic in this game the end movie could have revealed that the great big baddy behind the aliens was a sentient piece of Caerphilly Cheese flying a Anti-gravity bagpipe and it still wouldn't have been any less daft. Huge dramatic music plays over a clip that doesn't really seem to mean anything, the end titles show and I'm left going "What? Is that it? What does that even mean?".
So, Crysis 2. Like all the stupid films you ever watched shoved together randomly into a huge odd shaped mass. But astoundingly daft fun.