Fahrenheit 451 (aka "Flamey Flamey American Life Endangery Day") has now become a pantomime.
Will he burn the books? Won't he? Will Jones get a last minute sign from God telling him not to do it? (I've tried to trick Jones into stopping his ridiculous actions via the act of text messaging but I'm not sure he's convinced by my subtle subterfuge).
Last night it looked like Jones had finally seen reason. He's spent days waiting for a message from God, apparently, and that this sign had finally come in the form of a local imam who said that they would relocate the proposed Ground Zero mosque. The people behind said Mosque however deny that such a conversation has ever taken place to their knowledge.
Now the reality of this "Ground Zero Mosque" (although I'm loathe to call it that - the phrase has so much grounding in reality I may as well refer to it as the "Islamic Infideliminator-3010 Super Laser") has been documented at great length. Jones may as well be waiting until the End of Days for such a thing (something which he may well be ushering in far sooner than scheduled) because there is no Ground Zero Mosque. It's not at Ground Zero, and it's not a Mosque. But we all know that, because we're not fucking retards, right?
However, now he has declared that the event may still go ahead but is "on hold". He has also pointed out, however, that he's refuelled his Zippo especially and even got a new flint for it. And has a spare in his jacket pocket. And the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse tut loudly, take their jackets off, sit down and play another game of cards whilst they wait.
If he's that desperate to burn something, I've got a huge stockpile of unwanted books that he's more than welcome to. There are even a few really thick ones in there that would go up a treat. "Network Design and Principles" is a good one - It's hardback, around 800 pages long and was out of date the moment I enthusiastically purchased it in my first year of University. And I sincerely doubt the lecturer at my university who wrote it will be that annoyed - although he did have slightly dark skin and a foreign sounding surname, so might be one of those suicide bombers. Who just happens to know a lot about outdated concepts in computer networking. I'll tell you what, Pastor Jones, I'll even marinade them in Gasoline in advance to make your life easier.
Perhaps Jones could even consider burning copies of his own lovingly crafted testament to religious tolerance. He must have a fair few copies lying about, I imagine. And then he could declare a fatwa on himself.
Pastor Jones. If every tolerant and reasonable person screaming at you not to burn the books can't be considered, in your eyes, to be a message from God, you're clearly not very good at reading the signs.