Gigiquette

YOU. Inexperienced in the ways of the "Gig"? Worried that you might appear out of place, or not enjoy yourself as much as you possibly could? Worried that the entire evening might not centre entirely on you? Fear no more! With this simple guide to Gig Etiquette you'll appear to all and sundry to be a seasoned concert goer, and you'll simply fit right in!

1. It's easy to be mistaken into thinking that at larger gigs that the band may possibly have discussed or rehearsed their set list. Surely they didn't get famous by simply turning up and hoping for the best? You'd be completely wrong. Bands, regardless of how famous they are or how long they've been performing simply love a surprise and the whole evening is basically an excuse for some fun improvisation. If you have a favourite song that the band haven't played yet, why not shout out the name of the song at every conceivable opportunity? The band might not hear you when they're playing so it's probably best if you wait until the quiet between songs when the singer is attempting to speak to the audience. Every time you shout the name out it'll win them over a little bit more and eventually they'll simply have to play the song you've asked for. Set list be damned - this is all about you, the fan! Maybe even the lead singer is growing a little tired of your chants and asks you to stop because maybe, just maybe, you're intimidating some people and he'd like to be heard between songs - but what the fuck does he know, right? It's YOUR time to shine.
   
2. Many a band member would love to know more about their fans - If you happen to come from the same town/city/region as any of the MANCHESTER! band members, why not again take the opportunity of the quiet between songs (or "You time" as this period is officially known in the industry) to PRESTWICH! shout out this place name? This will cause the band to form a special bond with you - After all, what are the chances of you coming from the same town/city/region? Again, be extra MANCHESTER! careful to do this multiple times - the huge importance of this fact won't sink to the average band until you've screamed it at least ten times or so.
   
3. Is the gig particularly crowded and busy but you're desperate for a drink or the toilet? Don't worry about it! Everybody in the room feels exactly the same way - To this end, nobody will object to you barging your way through the crowd several dozen times in the same evening without asking for permission. There are too many people to say "Excuse me" to, right? They'll all understand - It's the gig way. and don't forget - ultimately this evening is all about you. Be careful not to combine your bar/toilet visit into a single trip though - You have the potential to make hundreds of new friends on your journey, so why not make the most of it?
4. You've paid more than twenty quid for a ticket, made it all the way to the gig in one piece, you've managed to both request four songs (which haven't been played yet, but give it time, right?) and every member of the band knows exactly where you're from and pushed all your way to the front - why not round off this perfect evening by starting a fight? Despite the fact you can't move because you're shoulder to shoulder with the people around you, why not take offence at every jostle or knock you take by simply punching somebody? Security will have a whale of a time barging through to remove you from the building, and eh, encores are for losers, yeah?

..and that is it. You are now prepared for the gig.. and remember, if all else fails... MANCHESTER!