Did I miss something? Did they change the way that those convicted of murder would be presented on television? It's been a murder frenzy for the BBC in that we've recently had the very high profile cases of Mark "I'm a necrophile, not a murderer. There's a subtle difference. Still, means to an end" Dixie, Steve Wright in the afternoon and Levi "Baba Papa" Bellfield.
The television footage of each of these has really stood out because each and every one has featured footage from the police interview rooms. It's like I've accidentally switched on Life on Mars, and I'm not sure I agree with the way this is going.
The footage in all three cases has been identical - aggressive questioning and the culprit shrugging his shoulders or uttering "no comment". What are the BBC expecting from this kind of footage? Some froth-mouthed murderer strolling nonchalantly towards the camera, shaking his fist at the heavens and crying "I did it, but you'll never prove it, Coppers!"
It seems to be an odd direction to take for this style of reporting. Mark my words, we're not far away from televising the entirety of suspect interviews - Hell, perhaps we could have footage of the actual arrest as well, with police battering down doors. A little bit of footage from the forensic people wouldn't hurt as well. And a new fancy theme tune. And footage of the reporters feet as they walk away at the end of the news.
It'll all be very exciting, I promise.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Somebody should do something
That's it. That's fucking it. The membrane-thin level of tolerance I once had has finally dissolved into some bitter bile-flavoured liquid and I find myself hating many of the people I have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. In fact, fuck it. I'm beginning to hate a great many of the morons I'm forced to share the planet with. They breathe in air that I'd like for myself, thankyouverymuch and wear down my concrete pavements with their overpriced trainers which, on the whole, have more intelligence than their wearers.
I'm a software designer for a living so spend much of my time programming, but due to the fact that I work for a very small company with relatively few staff (and those support staff we do have are all primarily skilled in solving hardware problems) I do telephone support for the stuff I've written. I really haven't got time to train anybody else in it so I mostly don't object to taking the odd phone call from confused and bewildered end-users.
Now, I love error and warning messages. I'm all for making them as clear as humanly possible because, and here's the important bit, the clearer they are, the less that people have to call me and interrupt my very important programming time. If something I've written tells you that you can't run the month end routines because you haven't invoiced all your customers yet, my faith in human nature tells me that the individual who reads this can put two and two together, wait ten or so minutes for the appropriate electrical signals to pass through the clotted neural pathways and think, "Ooh. Best invoice all my customers then."
If only this were the case. Politeness (and the fact that I really don't want to lose my job) sadly prevents me from pointing out the bleeding obvious to the people who ring throughout the day with problems such as this.
Therefore, because of people such as this and their ilk, I propose a cull. I've thought this through before (unhealthily too much, if anything) and I already have a fair few groups from society on the list.
(1) People at cashpoints who approach the question "Would you like to carry out another transaction?" as though it's the start of some terrifying philosophical debate and therefore have to press "No". They'll then reinsert their card and start the whole process again - and typically will do this when I'm standing behind them either in a rush or standing in the pissing rain.
(2) People at Zebra crossings who are under the misguided impression that clicking the button several dozens of times will in some way speed up the crossing process - as though the more clicks they can achieve in a set period of time trips some light at traffic control who therefore designate the particular crossing as having a higher priority than the rest. "Twenty three clicks at the ringroad, Bill. Best set that one to Red."
(3) Soap Stars who leave their shows to concentrate on a singing career, fail, and then have no shame into returning from the show that spawned them. They should be forced to have the words "desperate and talentless" added by deed poll to their surnames which then BY LAW must be appended to their names in the shows credits AND THEIR NAME THEN HAS TO LINGER ON SCREEN FOR AT LEAST THIRTY SECONDS.
I have many many more that I'll no doubt cover at some stage, but this is a good start. It's good for the environment for one - a less populated world means a healthier one. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.
I'm a software designer for a living so spend much of my time programming, but due to the fact that I work for a very small company with relatively few staff (and those support staff we do have are all primarily skilled in solving hardware problems) I do telephone support for the stuff I've written. I really haven't got time to train anybody else in it so I mostly don't object to taking the odd phone call from confused and bewildered end-users.
Now, I love error and warning messages. I'm all for making them as clear as humanly possible because, and here's the important bit, the clearer they are, the less that people have to call me and interrupt my very important programming time. If something I've written tells you that you can't run the month end routines because you haven't invoiced all your customers yet, my faith in human nature tells me that the individual who reads this can put two and two together, wait ten or so minutes for the appropriate electrical signals to pass through the clotted neural pathways and think, "Ooh. Best invoice all my customers then."
If only this were the case. Politeness (and the fact that I really don't want to lose my job) sadly prevents me from pointing out the bleeding obvious to the people who ring throughout the day with problems such as this.
Therefore, because of people such as this and their ilk, I propose a cull. I've thought this through before (unhealthily too much, if anything) and I already have a fair few groups from society on the list.
(1) People at cashpoints who approach the question "Would you like to carry out another transaction?" as though it's the start of some terrifying philosophical debate and therefore have to press "No". They'll then reinsert their card and start the whole process again - and typically will do this when I'm standing behind them either in a rush or standing in the pissing rain.
(2) People at Zebra crossings who are under the misguided impression that clicking the button several dozens of times will in some way speed up the crossing process - as though the more clicks they can achieve in a set period of time trips some light at traffic control who therefore designate the particular crossing as having a higher priority than the rest. "Twenty three clicks at the ringroad, Bill. Best set that one to Red."
(3) Soap Stars who leave their shows to concentrate on a singing career, fail, and then have no shame into returning from the show that spawned them. They should be forced to have the words "desperate and talentless" added by deed poll to their surnames which then BY LAW must be appended to their names in the shows credits AND THEIR NAME THEN HAS TO LINGER ON SCREEN FOR AT LEAST THIRTY SECONDS.
I have many many more that I'll no doubt cover at some stage, but this is a good start. It's good for the environment for one - a less populated world means a healthier one. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
The Button
It was only quite by chance that it had been discovered. A satellite scan from one of the major American petrochemical companies (which had ended up pointing in the wrong direction following a drunken fumble on the control deck between two employees at the christmas party) had found evidence of metal where none was expected.
An investigation revealed a hidden chamber within the side of a mountain hidden behind a sheet of ice hundreds of thousands of years old. On one of the smooth walls of this rock chamber was a single bright red button. The chamber must have lay undisturbed since before Man had walked on the surface of the planet.
Some of the best scientific minds were flown out there from the biggest Universities and Governmental think-tanks. Seismologists, historians, structural engineers and individuals from every conceivable scientific field were sworn to secrecy and set about performing every single piece of analysis that they could for several long months.
The studies were inconclusive. Forbidden as they were to physically dismantle the button or surrounding area, studies were confined to X-rays and non-destructive analysis and this severely hampered the scientists in their studies. The button was carbon dated as being as old as the planet itself, which was clearly nonsense. It also didn't appear to be actually be connected to a power source or any mechanism but then neither did the light set into its surface, which was clearly illuminated in a dull red glow. Every result was either unreliable or contradictory.
Only the historian managed to provide anything of actual worth; A translation of some microscopic markings found on the button itself. Hieroglyphic in nature, the historian had managed to narrow the meaning of these symbols as being either "Normality" or its exact opposite.
Now there is increasing pressure to continue the experiment by pressing the button. There are fears amongst those of a philosophical bent, however, that the button has been pressed before.
An investigation revealed a hidden chamber within the side of a mountain hidden behind a sheet of ice hundreds of thousands of years old. On one of the smooth walls of this rock chamber was a single bright red button. The chamber must have lay undisturbed since before Man had walked on the surface of the planet.
Some of the best scientific minds were flown out there from the biggest Universities and Governmental think-tanks. Seismologists, historians, structural engineers and individuals from every conceivable scientific field were sworn to secrecy and set about performing every single piece of analysis that they could for several long months.
The studies were inconclusive. Forbidden as they were to physically dismantle the button or surrounding area, studies were confined to X-rays and non-destructive analysis and this severely hampered the scientists in their studies. The button was carbon dated as being as old as the planet itself, which was clearly nonsense. It also didn't appear to be actually be connected to a power source or any mechanism but then neither did the light set into its surface, which was clearly illuminated in a dull red glow. Every result was either unreliable or contradictory.
Only the historian managed to provide anything of actual worth; A translation of some microscopic markings found on the button itself. Hieroglyphic in nature, the historian had managed to narrow the meaning of these symbols as being either "Normality" or its exact opposite.
Now there is increasing pressure to continue the experiment by pressing the button. There are fears amongst those of a philosophical bent, however, that the button has been pressed before.
Friday, February 08, 2008
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier
Being a fan of Alan Moores excellent work "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" and having heard of a third graphic novel ("Black Dossier") being released, my interest was piqued. The fact I had to purchase it from the states ($19.79 from Amazon; God Bless the poor dollar) only put me off ever-so slightly.
For those not familiar with The League (and please, let us discount the dreadful movie which pretty much only shares a title and vague theme) it's essentially the tale of a group of individuals under the employ of the British Government in Victorian times to carry out work in Englands interest. That this motley band consists of Alan Quatermain, Doctor Jekyll (and naturally Mister Hyde), The Invisible Man, Captain Nemo and Mina Harker should imply that this is far from a traditional tale. Volume 1 consisted of the team being recruited and their first case, whereas the 2nd volume involved the events of "War of the Worlds" and the Martian Invasion of Earth that this entailed.
The previous two volumes (and Black Dossier alike) are phonomenally well-researched. (Heroes and Monsters, an excellent companion piece by Jess Nevins in the form of an annoted guide shows the true depth of this). It seems that Alan Moore has plundered the vaults of Victorian fiction for characters and situations. I imagine even the most skilled student of Victorian Fiction would be hard-pressed to know the details of every single reference contained within, of which there are hundreds.
Black Dossier is an odd piece, not quite as action-oriented as Volumes 1 and 2, and altogether way more verbose. The comic strip segments are interspersed with reams of written text, pamphlets, pull-outs and period pieces (which form "The Black Dossier" - as the characters learn the secrets contained within in, so do we). The book itself relates to a still youthful Alan Quatermain and Mina Harkers activities in the 1950s - the reason for their eternal youth is revealed within the story - The league is officially disbanded, and the two of them seek to reveal the secrets of the titular dossier whilst being pursued by those who would see it reclaimed. Much of the fiction of the time has been plundered again; Jimmy Bond, Bulldog Drummond, Fireball XL5, Dan Dare and the like.
Kevin O'Neills artwork has never been better; I've been a fan since his work on Nemesis the Warlock back in 2000ad, but his work in "The Black Dossier" is fantastic. Every panel is so incredibly detailed that it will take me several reads to pick up all the subtleties and nuances he's carefully left for the reader.
The book concludes in a segment entirely in 3D (3D glasses are provided within the sleeve of the hardback cover) which feels somewhat out of place with the style of the rest of "The Black Dossier" but looks phonomenal.
All in all I give this book 5.17 FoldsFives out of 5.74. God Bless Queen Victoria.
..and why, you might ask, is this not available in the UK? Being set in 1950 as opposed to Victorian times means that the copyright of many of the characters within is still active and legally dubious (the appearance of a handsome yet womanising would-be-rapist secret agent known as Jimmy Bond, for one). Hence, it's allowed to be published in the States but not over here.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Tiscali: Throttling bandwidth so YOU don't have to
I have the rare distinction of being banned permanently from the Tiscali forums after making just two posts. Go me. You can touch me if you like.
Last year I upgraded my 1/2 a meg link with Tiscali to their 8 megabyte max range which had recently been introduced to my area. This in itself was a feat of some skill as I had tried for a year to convince them that my line was capable of it as all of my neighbours were getting comparable speeds - eventually Tiscali were convinced and allowed me to spend more money with them.
It had all been running quite well until the very start of this year when suddenly at any time after 5 p.m. speeds would drop to stupidly low rates. Everything outside of port 80 was being choked like a cheap whore - downloads (and we're talking legitimate driver downloads now, not just torrents and copious quantities of pornography) were bringing download speeds back of less then 2k per second. That's worse than dial-up.
I found it wasn't just me. The tiscali forums are full of similar complaints. My banning came from daring to complain that Tiscali weren't in fact doing anything about the problem (oh, and a sarcastic comment on somebody elses thread that they needn't worry about upgrading to an 8 megabyte link and should just stick with their dial-up modem).
After a fortnight (and a complaint to Watchdog) it became obvious that Tiscali weren't really doing anything about the issue. Any attempted phone call to them was met with up to half an hour of "Your call is important to us. Please hold. Your call is important to us. Please hold. Your call is important to us. Please hold."
Four attempted e-mails to their customer services department (which by this stage were along the lines of "can you confirm when my contract ends") met with a similar lack of response. My concern was that I wasn't sure whether my contract start date would be classed as when I first joined Tiscali back in 2003 or when I upgraded last year.. I didn't want to face a financial penalty for canceling if I didn't have to.
Last night though, a stroke of luck. A phone call from Tiscali along these lines.
"Hello, Mr Court?"
"Yes?"
"This is name adapted to sound English by call centre worker from Tiscali. We're just ringing to see if you'd be interested in upgrading your service."
"What, my broadband connection?"
"Yes."
"I'm already on your maximum broadband connection - and that rarely works."
"We can improve the service you get from Tiscali with a bundle, Mr. Court."
"Does this bundle involve getting a phone from you as well? Actually, I'm glad you're on the phone. I've been trying for a month to speak to your customer services department so you can help me. Can you tell me when my contract started with you please?"
"Err.. Yes.. In September 2003. With our phone bundle you.."
"That's all the information I need, thanks. Bye."
*fists aloft in the air*
I imagine it will now take several decades to get a MAC code from them - but hell, it's a start.
Last year I upgraded my 1/2 a meg link with Tiscali to their 8 megabyte max range which had recently been introduced to my area. This in itself was a feat of some skill as I had tried for a year to convince them that my line was capable of it as all of my neighbours were getting comparable speeds - eventually Tiscali were convinced and allowed me to spend more money with them.
It had all been running quite well until the very start of this year when suddenly at any time after 5 p.m. speeds would drop to stupidly low rates. Everything outside of port 80 was being choked like a cheap whore - downloads (and we're talking legitimate driver downloads now, not just torrents and copious quantities of pornography) were bringing download speeds back of less then 2k per second. That's worse than dial-up.
I found it wasn't just me. The tiscali forums are full of similar complaints. My banning came from daring to complain that Tiscali weren't in fact doing anything about the problem (oh, and a sarcastic comment on somebody elses thread that they needn't worry about upgrading to an 8 megabyte link and should just stick with their dial-up modem).
After a fortnight (and a complaint to Watchdog) it became obvious that Tiscali weren't really doing anything about the issue. Any attempted phone call to them was met with up to half an hour of "Your call is important to us. Please hold. Your call is important to us. Please hold. Your call is important to us. Please hold."
Four attempted e-mails to their customer services department (which by this stage were along the lines of "can you confirm when my contract ends") met with a similar lack of response. My concern was that I wasn't sure whether my contract start date would be classed as when I first joined Tiscali back in 2003 or when I upgraded last year.. I didn't want to face a financial penalty for canceling if I didn't have to.
Last night though, a stroke of luck. A phone call from Tiscali along these lines.
"Hello, Mr Court?"
"Yes?"
"This is name adapted to sound English by call centre worker from Tiscali. We're just ringing to see if you'd be interested in upgrading your service."
"What, my broadband connection?"
"Yes."
"I'm already on your maximum broadband connection - and that rarely works."
"We can improve the service you get from Tiscali with a bundle, Mr. Court."
"Does this bundle involve getting a phone from you as well? Actually, I'm glad you're on the phone. I've been trying for a month to speak to your customer services department so you can help me. Can you tell me when my contract started with you please?"
"Err.. Yes.. In September 2003. With our phone bundle you.."
"That's all the information I need, thanks. Bye."
*fists aloft in the air*
I imagine it will now take several decades to get a MAC code from them - but hell, it's a start.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Cloverfield
Tonight Tara and I went to the cinema to see Cloverfield; It's rare that we go to the cinema, but after such hype we thought this one worth seeing.
Now, to the point. Having heard about the Blair Witch style hand-held camera trickery being used, I really expected to put up with it and have something to moan about in my blog later.
But.
I really enjoyed it. For the whole 85 minutes duration I was gripped. At no point during its running time was I anything less than spellbound. I haven't been as involved in a film since James Camerons "Aliens". The cast were excellent - I was caught up in the whole "this is actually happening" vibe. The special effects were totally convincing - reminded me of the whole handheld camera new Galactica and firefly stuff, but still.. brilliant.
Can't recommend it enough. The whole film was about ten minutes longer than it needed to be, but still. Brilliance.
Also.. is anybody actually reading this blog? Let me know if you are. As I'm comment-free, I don't know.
Pixelhattery
By now you can't help but have noticed that whenever I'm short of something to say, I'm just knocking up a picture and sticking it on here. Let me know if you like/hate them - hell, just comment away - I strongly suspect that Myxomatoasties will in future be a mix of both written stuff and pictures.
Tooth update for those who asked: Infection has completely gone and gum is healing over nicely. Life is good.
Tooth update for those who asked: Infection has completely gone and gum is healing over nicely. Life is good.
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